Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
