they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
