i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
