You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
