Soap is not a condiment
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
