Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
