"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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