omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
