we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
