i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
