thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So apparently I’m into choking now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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