So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
