Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
