And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
