My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
