bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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