If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
accomplished twins. life is a go
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
