you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
