I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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