Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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