Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize