im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
