My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
