bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize