She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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