he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
