Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
