its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just cropdusted the office
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
