No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
