He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry about my life...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
