I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
