Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
