Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
