Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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