I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
