i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
