We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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