I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
