Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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