just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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