Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
