I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
