So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
