I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
