Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
