I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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