I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
