I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
a search helicopter?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
