Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
