In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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