when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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