I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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