I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize