This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize