Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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