Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
