I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
