just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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