Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize