question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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