I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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