At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
