Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
