The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
