Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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