she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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