I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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