Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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