she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize