Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
