Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
