I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
