I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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