Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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