Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
