How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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