My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
