you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
