Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
