marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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