I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i barfeds in our rink
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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