One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
