i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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