I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He passed out mid-signature
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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