I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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