We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
