He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
